Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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