You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
