Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
