I accidentally had phone sex last night
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
