I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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