I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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