I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
