M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
