when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
