My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
