I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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