duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
