Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
