wrigley field is MILF paradise
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
