her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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