I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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