I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
