life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
