I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize