i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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