omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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