Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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