Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
