Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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