I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
