so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
