i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
