I'm so fucking centered right now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
