So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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