I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
