Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
