I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
