shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
