I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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