so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
