Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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