Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
