she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
