It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
