I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
