i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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