Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
