I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
