I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize