is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
