Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
