I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
