It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
