A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
