Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Someone signed my nipple.
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