So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
