guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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