So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
