i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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