my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
