I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
