And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
