you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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