just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
