I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize