You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
