Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's great music for shaving your balls
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize