why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
