She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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