If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
