No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize