I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
